Lonely

Have you ever been surrounded by people you know, friends but still feel lonely. Well that happened to me this past Saturday. I was at Cameron Kings birthday/costume party and I just felt alone. I came home later that night and just lay on my bed. I don't know what was wrong with me. I guess maybe the devil was up to his old tricks. Halloween was one of my favorite nights to go out back in my PCE (pre Christian era). I was driving home and saw all the people out running around and having fun. And for a moment I missed that. Not the drunken part but just the fun the I don't know you but its Halloween and we are having fun. I guess what im saying is that sometimes our past still haunts us, fitting it being Halloween and all. I know I have been redeemed and healed, but the memories are still there and still haunting and sadly enticing. I guess it is just another way God is showing me my total reliance on Him and how much I still need Him. Well, point well taken.

interviews

Well today i start the grown up process. I have an informal meet and greet today at 3. Then formal interviews tomorrow all morning and afternoon. Trying to get a
J O B. I am sure God will bless me with a wonderful job. I just am praying i will be open to what it is and where ever it is. Whether in Morgantown, Baltimore, Washington, or Charlette. But we wil see soon enough. God knows better than me. Praise Him for that.

sorry

sorry for the lack of activity lately my computer has been going crazy and i have not been able to access the internet from home. I hope to fix that soon. I had a great weekend with my fiance and a wonderful conversation with my mom last night about God and grace and just true faith. It was nice to get to speak into her life as she spoke into mine. had a wonderful dinner with my roommates and my friend Sam who i have not seen since forever ago. I have also been having great God time since God revealed to me my pride in accepting his Grace freely without adding onto it my own expectations been very cleansing and eye opening. well i hope to be blogging more soon

Sorry for the lack of activity

Sorry for the lack of activity faithful reader. I have been having crazy 6 year old computer problems. But hopefully I will be back on track soon. Many cool things have been going on here and I hope to post them soon. Had a wonderful convo with my mom last night about grace and many other things about our faith it was good to help clarify so things for her and to have her speak into my life on just the aspects of loving faith. I have had a great last couple of days God has really been speaking into me since I have been opened to my pridefulness and my inability to take his grace without adding on to it my own requirements. It has been very eye opening. I also got to see my fiance this weekend and that is always great. Had a wonderful time in Pittsburgh. But I am at school and need to get back to real work hope to be blogging more consistently soon.

Blue like me?

I was reading blue like jazz yesterday and I came to a very real though and understanding from God. I am to proud. Not necessarily in the usual ways people think of but I realized I was to proud to accept God's charity. I have been struggling with this for a while now. I mess up and feel as if the weight of the world is on me. Where is the freedom that Jesus talks about in that. No where. I was punishing myself because I felt I had to repay God or at least do something in return for my salvation. And the truth is I don't. It is a gift from God. I came to understand that I don't have to work but love God and in this I will experience the obedient life I have been unsuccessfully striving to live. Not only that but I will be finally able to live life and live it abundantly. I guess the moral is because of His love we are able to do all we strive to do but cant. It is his strength the guides us not our own. Its nice to be humbled. Praise God.

Good weekend

Hello faithful reader i had a good weekend this weekend. I went to game and we won in triple overtime. But i left at halftime when we were down by 17 and i had a headache and a kid wanted to beat me up. Can you believe that, wanted to beat me up. who would want to do that. Geeze. But i missed one of the best games EVER. My brother also came down this weekend and we spent the entire day on sunday hiking all over cooper's rock. So it was a ton of fun to be doing that with my brother and just be hang out with him. But that was the main parts of my weekend. I start a new rotation tomorrow and that is always an adventure. It should be good though not exciting but good. It is a drug information rotation so i should learn a lot which is always good. But i am tired and that means im done.

Sharp

The sharpness of the tongue is something I continually get reminded of each and everyday of my life. I have a very sharp tongue and I know it. I try to control it but I have seen many times in my life where I have been unable or unwilling to do so. I see it as two problems 1. Most people are more sensitive than I am. I have the personality that if you bust me I don't really care I take it in stride and try to zing you back or just let it roll but not all people operate that way. I must be more sensitive to how people feel and to be better at controlling my tongue in that way. 2. I tease and joke with people I like and am comfortable with. So for me if I joke and tease you I am showing you that I like you and that we are friends again I need to be more sensitive to other people's perception of my teasing. More and more it occurs to me that what the bible writers say about the tongue is so true. It can easily destroy friendships and ruin reputation and burn down paths to ministry. I just wonder how many people I have hurt, and how much i have hindered the will of God by the lack of control of my tongue. Always a work in progress and Praise God he gives me these moments to remember that.

Creative expression

Tonight we have creative expression it is always an interesting evening. One to see what god can do in us when we allow our creative juices to flow with His. And to really see how weird and unique all my fellow believers really are including myself. I am hopeful that all will go great people will participate and it will make for a very fun evening. Also I am hoping to watch a movie "Kung Fu Hustle" it looks stinking mad funny but I guess we will see well faithful reader the is all I have for now see you on the blog

Vineyard

I was reflecting the other day on this

"and cut out a wine press as well" Isaiah 5:26

In this song spoken about in Isaiah the Lord speaks to His vineyard. In this vineyard of choice vine and well toiled soil the Lord cut out a wine press. The purpose of a wine press is to squeeze the juice out of the grape. When I read this I thought how interesting it is that the Lord had put a wine press in his vineyard. I thought why if the grapes are choice, but I guess that is the only way you get the juice out of the grape no matter how good the crop. When reflecting on this I was allowed to understand the reason for the wine press is because God will see our character in what we produce. A good vine yields good fruit that is why Jesus tell us to cling to Him the good vine. And a good grape will yield good wine. But more than that it illustrates that even when God was forming His vineyard he knew he would have to squeeze them . NO matter how perfect the grape in order to make the final product the grape has to be squeezed. We have to be squeezed. The father has provided us with the toiled soil and the perfect vine. As we abide in that vine we are made perfect. But we still must be pressed. As the text says we are pressed but no destroyed. The Lord has always intends to test our character to see what we are made of. The tests and trials are just the pressure of the press making us into our final product. We were not planted in God's vineyard to become only grapes, but to be transformed into our final state. To be made into a wine worthy of its presence at the lord's table. And to become this we can only do so through pressure and even pain, but as we are squeezed we are formed and transformed to something more than a bunch of grapes now we are wine. We are no longer one, no longer are we held together by a bundle but we are one. One gift. One perfect offering to the Lord worth of presentation at His table. Worthy to be a key part of the celebration feast. May the Lord's wine press be constantly full of choice grapes and may its pressure form us as one that we maybe the final product we have always been intended to be.

A little shout out

I want to thank JR Woodward for just being JR. Though I have limited experience with JR. I have had the pleasure of talking with him on a couple of occasions, but even more so I want to thank him for the stories I have heard about him through a one Billy Williams. Thanks to both these gentlemen and Mr. Woodward's illness (closetalking) I was able to give a much better 2 hour lecture this morning on verbal and nonverbal communication. I was able to use stories from Billy and my own experience with JR to tell my audience about a close talker. JR I know you probably don't remember me but I want to thank you for being who you are not only for the help in my lecture but just for want you are doing for the Lord and how much he has blessed you and those around you. And Billy as always a friend and always good for a good time and for living the good life. Always a blessing my friend. Thanks again to both of you. God bless

What is that

I had hoped to post this yesterday but when I got around to it the blogger was updating so here it is today.

I was thinking yesterday and for some reason an unpleasant thought got into my head. It forced me to take some time to reflect on it. The thought was when I was a couple of years ago I was in the Passion play at CRC. I can remember that right before we were ready to go on stage over hearing a couple of my fellow actors talking. They were in talking about how all Catholics were bound for hell.(short paraphrase). At the time that got me very fired up being at that point still Catholic and having many God loving family members who were also Catholic. But as I reflected on this years later my thoughts have changed. Is what was said still wrong yes very much so. But a see a much deeper issue at hand in all this. It has nothing to do with Catholics and Protestants. Because each denomination has its problems with all the others. It is sad. And something that has and will bother me until it stops. It is one of my soap box issues. I hate when people are so caught up on the dogma and the music and the color of carpets they forget the truth. You all remember the truth right. That Jesus is Lord and we are His children and his church sent to do his will and his work. Do we not remember that he prayed for us to stay united. Yet we focus on all these "things" that divide instead of humbling ourselves for the sake of Christ and His message. We can not forget that we are servants first and foremost not only to those who don't know Jesus but to those who do. It is our love for one another that is supposed to set us apart. Not our hypocrisy. But if you will excuse me faithful reader I must go take care of this plank in my eye I guess I will just have to leave you to take care of your own speck.

Help me im a cynic

Ahhh,
i just reread my last post and im such a cynic. But i cant help it i just seem to take everything people say tongue in cheak. Especially if they have been less than honest in the past or "shady" as the hip kids call it. I dont want to be a cynic but we live in such a cynical world. I hope that the Lord will help me to trust not only those i call brother and sister but also to trust Him more. I am not cynical with the Lord just a bit of a Thomas. I guess i just see glimpses of the kingdom and then see glimpses of our fall in each of us and it saddens me. I know we are all broken and fallen but we who call Jesus Lord are all rededmed and its time we started living and acting that way. Me very much included. Well faithful reader i am making a vow that i am going to be as real and honest as i can be with all of my interactions. I will try my best to put my brother/sister first and to stop being a ME centered and be a CHRIST centered person. I challenge you faithful reader to do the same. Help me to kill the cynic with in while vanquishing your own inner cynic. Help me to bring about a little bigger piece of the kingdom with each unselfish act, with each blessing, with each work of the Lord. Well faithful reader its in our hands and may the Lord bless us in our attempt and may we always, always stay focused on Him because when we stray and our eyes lose the gaze the ME will be back to try to take its place back.

'What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine"

I am very jaded right now and a little disenfranchised with Christians as a whole. I guess it all boils down to how selfish I think we really are. I see many of my fellow believers just using and taking and giving nothing back. I think about Acts and it talks about all things were given as people needed. Well I am sick of people just taking and not giving. I see it all the time. Why to me do most Christians have the me first attitude. Should we not be the last to get things to make sure that others are blessed first. I see it a lot at functions where food is given. The object is to reach out to the community and we are to busy reaching out to feed our faces. Should we not be more concerned that those we are trying to bless are getting fed first. Or the brother/sister in Christ who only comes around when food is being served. Geeze come on. Maybe it is not Christians at all maybe it is just a downward spiral of manners. But as followers of a Lord who said things like I eat from a source you do not know (paraphrase). Should we not be less focused on our bellies and more on our hearts and those around us. I am sorry for the rant but I am under the understanding that our lives are to be lived for each other. And I have no problem sharing and giving if anything I have a problem taking and being blessed by others gifts. But if we all followed the example better would we not all be striving to give and to serve not to be served. Then in that way all would be served. I guess I just see people taking advantage of generosity and doing it in a very shady way. Don't come to me under a guise of some God led thing when the first thing you are worried about is when we eat. Again sorry for the rant but my faithful reader I just expect more from myself and others who claim to be followers of our Lord. Maybe we should all expect a little more from each other. What do you think?